so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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