Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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