I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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