She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
