It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
