btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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