new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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