I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
