dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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