Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
