So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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