got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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