Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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