dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
