The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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