Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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