I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
