Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro