I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?