he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
