I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.