I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy