The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
