Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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