Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
