To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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