he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
