Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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