wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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