My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
