Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
