My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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