That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
