I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We named our party play list daddy issues
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
