hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
