She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
