I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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