guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
