youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
