U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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