wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
