It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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