I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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