my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize