happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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