Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
