I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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