I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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