I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
