Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
