Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
