So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
