My room smells like vodka and shame
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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