Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
