ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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