My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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