Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
