I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
