You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize