i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Shame - the story of my life.
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