How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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