The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
