I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
