It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
