Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
