I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He has the fingertips of a God
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