The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
