If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
