so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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