This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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