The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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