Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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