Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
