I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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