So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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