he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
