you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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