Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
