I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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